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Soft-mode — when life needs your attention more than the app does.
Soft-mode is the cell-wide setting that quiets the daily loop during a hard chapter — bereavement, illness, job loss, a deployment, a divorce, anything that means the app should step back without you having to manage it manually. This article explains what it does, what it doesn't touch, and how to turn it off when you're ready.
Soft-mode is a cell-wide setting that quiets the daily loop during a hard chapter, like bereavement, illness, job loss, a deployment, or a divorce, without you having to manage the app manually. When it's on, streaks pause and don't break, daily questions stop pinging, push notifications throttle to safety-only, and the timeline shows lower-activity surfaces instead of the usual loop. None of this punishes inactivity; the app is stepping back because you asked it to.
The safety surfaces stay on: Worry Box, Honest Letters, calls, the trusted-adult network, and the per-region helpline routes. Any cell adult can propose soft-mode from Settings, Cell, Soft-mode, with other adults notified to confirm. It ends when the cell decides, with no calendar timer and no nag; streaks resume from their paused state without penalty.
What soft-mode does
Streaks pause and don't break. Daily questions don't ping. Push notifications throttle to safety-only. The cell timeline shows lower-activity surfaces (memorial content, gentle prompts) instead of the usual loop. None of this is a punishment for inactivity — the app is explicitly stepping back because you asked it to.
What stays available
The safety surfaces are always on: Worry Box, Honest Letters, calls, the trusted-adult network, the per-region helpline routes at /help/emergency-checkin. You can still post, write, and connect — soft-mode reduces what the app initiates, not what you can do. The Ember zone is unaffected (it's already opt-in).
How to turn it on
Any cell adult can propose soft-mode from Settings → Cell → Soft-mode. Other adults in the cell are notified and can confirm. Once on, the change applies cell-wide so the kids' experience also softens — no daily-question pings from school-age accounts during a hard week. There is no minimum duration.
How it ends
Soft-mode ends when the cell decides — there is no calendar timer and no nag. Any adult can lift it from the same Settings screen. When you do, the daily loop returns from where it left off; streaks resume from their paused state without penalty.
What we don't do
We don't push you to come back. We don't send a 'we miss you' email after soft-mode has been on for a while; the re-engagement budget on /promises (max one email per 14 days, max six per year) is calibrated for normal use, not crisis. The discouragement architecture on /promises is what makes this consistent: the app changes how the surfaces work, not how you should feel about your pace.
Frequently asked questions
What does soft-mode actually do?
Streaks pause without breaking, daily questions stop pinging, push notifications throttle to safety-only, and the timeline shows gentler surfaces. It reduces what the app initiates, not what you can do.
Does anything stay available during soft-mode?
Yes. The safety surfaces are always on: Worry Box, Honest Letters, calls, the trusted-adult network, and the per-region helplines at /help/emergency-checkin. You can still post, write, and connect.
How do I turn soft-mode on?
Any cell adult proposes it from Settings, Cell, Soft-mode. Other adults are notified and can confirm. Once on, it applies cell-wide, so the kids' experience softens too. There's no minimum duration.
Will I get a 'we miss you' nudge while it's on?
No. We don't push you to come back or send re-engagement emails during soft-mode. It ends when the cell decides, with no calendar timer and no nag.